Okay, So you really don't have to read this. But if you do and comment, I will love you forever!

Okay so, I want to thank everyone for commenting on my 'Help Me' journal, means a lot that you guys really care a buzmillion hugs to all of you. Things have kind of gotten worse, then gotten better and then a tad worse again. Mathiu and I rarely talk, we're always busy with something. It makes me very sad. He told me how my age kind of scared him, how he wanted to do things with me that were not very appropriate and that I probably wouldn't want to do with him, I've been dreaming about stuff like that for weeks. Afraid to say it, and still afraid. I love him so much, he was everything to me. I've been sleeping and eating more than usual just to feel something, I remember how I used to be numb like this, how much I hated it but how much I was thankful for it and Mathiu brought me straight out of it. Love is like oxygen to me, when I finally get some I am addicted and then everything ends and I can't breathe. This numbness is like being locked inside a cage, a cage you created, screaming, pleading and crying to be released. The lock never opens and eventually you lose hope, than the lock opens again and you can be yourself, until then you can't do anything. I'm sure many can relate or sometime feel this way. But I don't remember ever not feeling like that, except for when I was in love, or a happy little child whos parents would give the anything for her happiness and security. I don't feel secure anymore, I just want to scream. This started to get better after talking to my lovely Big Brother Anthony Hegedus, love you bunches my dear, various other friends and just soul searching. Thank god for Anthony, he saved my life, from just one night. Canada has been cold, it's been -30 to -40 with windchill almost everyday, walking to the bus at 7:45 a.m is kind of evil. I woke up today and the tree outside my window was all frosted white. I wanted to take a picture but alas, I have no camera . On Friday I recieved the most amazing thing in the mail, a ring, from Mathiu, inside was a little letter that read 'Wear this everyday and know I'm thinking of you. This means I want you forever, I hope you want me too. I love you with all my heart. <3 Mathiu." He has such prettiful handwriting. I asked him about it later that day and he said it was his proposal until he could get there to make sure he had me forever. I'm engaged at 12. Wow. The ring is so pretty, sterling silver band with one diamond in the middle, simple and perfect, just like him. Been wearing it everyday.It's lovely and all, but it makes me miss him so much more, Anthony told me to hide, somewhere I won't forget and it will be safe but also somewhere that I will not wear it, well screw that. Today I had a huge LMFAO moment, I was working on a project and I was still webcamming with Anthony and Cassy, I was sitting on the floor and the chair was on teh other side of the room to give me space to work, I bent over to type something. Guess who was staring straight at my chest, my brother actually checked out my boobs and thinks I am huge for a 12 year old, and bet me that by the time I'm 18 I will be a Double D, after him talking to my sister/his girlfriend we determined that she is the same size as me. I am the same size as a 14 year old. That's kind of creepy. Damn you Anthony for being too awesome for me to slap you.
Also, Anthony is coming to Edmonton this Summer, yes I have an addiction to long distance best friends and relationships. We plan to take him to West Edmonton Mall, to meet Riley and Emma some of our bestest friends that ran the Greenshack last year and just to hang out in his hotel room and laugh a bunch! Can't wait. Also, this Summer, going to see Mathiu, my mum's totally okay with it she just wants to 'Meet him firt, then you guys can go do whatever the hell you guys go do.' OH YEAH! Snuggle party! He wants to introduce me to his family and his friends (though they already know about me). Think about it, next September I will be dating a college student (at age 16 UK kids go to college).
Okay, Daria stop talking about your horrible yet awesome love life.
Let's talk about *drum roll*
ART!
I've got loads to post, which I will be doing tonight. Well this morning it's 1:56 a.m right now.
I am officially addicted to 'sarahxxlou' on Youtube, this girl is a bunch of fun. And she's British, She has the most amazing British accent I have ever heard, It actually kind of turns me on. Haha. But honestly, go watch this girls videos and SUBSCRIBE!

Well, I suppose I will bring this journal to a close.

I love you all bunches!

Peace && Love -- Daria.

'I miss all the little things, I never thought that they'd mean everything to me. Yeah, I miss you, and I wish you, were here. So far away from where you are, these miles have torn us miles apart. And I miss you, Yeah I miss you and I wish you, were here.'